Google: The 13 Year Journey From Dream Search Engine to Destroyer of Hope

I'm pretty sure I heard somewhere that yesterday was Google's 13th birthday. Congratulations, Google! You've not only made yourself indispensable in the everyday life of millions of people, infiltrated your way into an unnervingly diverse array of markets (Google Supermarkets are coming, people), but you've also managed to solve the age-old question of: Is s/he gay?

That's right.

Now, I don't do this often, because most celebrities don't really strike me as being particularly desirable--or interesting--but there are most certainly a fuck-ton of people Googling (you'd think Google Chrome spell-check would have made "Googling" into a real word by now) whether or not Daniel Tosh from Tosh.0 is gay.

I too am confused.

In any case, now, you get something like this by typing in something as simple as "Is Jake Gyllenhaal gay?":

[pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease]

Damn it.

Now, I'm all for information, Google. Gratuitous amounts of memes and YouTube videos are all fine and dandy, but now you're destroying my hopes and dreams. What in God's name gives you the right to do such a perverse and disheartening thing?

After this, I'll have to be absolutely and voluntarily delusional to pretend that he isn't straight, just because it was "mentioned on at least 5 websites." And I am NOT crazy.

Right?

D


(P.S. I actually tried it with Daniel Tosh, and it didn't show up...I guess it really IS a heated debate!)