I swear, I haven't been THAT lazy.

School was tough. I did a play (god, no. I wasn't an actor). I did clubs. I had classes. Blah, blah, blah.

There's never really a decent excuse for failing on a blog, and picking it back up tends to feel awful because, well, you've exhausted your credibility with your audience--if we ever really had that consistent/involved of an audience in the first place!

Suffice it to say, I'd love to start something new in the future. Probably not with as many funny pictures because that stuff would cut into my leftover use-for-sleeping time, but with lots of interesting, maybe even hilarious words. We'll see how it pans out.

In any event, I'll indulge myself and offer anyone reading this something of a shameless plug. I got a writing gig with a website, and so that's what I've been doing for a little while now. Here's the link to my utterly modest opus.

http://daily-download.com/author/david-riemer/

News news news news news. I'm waiting for a job that won't cut out the phrase "community gardens are certainly worth their weight in hipster."

D

Will My Blood Ever Be Worthy?

            When I go to donate blood this Monday, I’m going to be asked a question. Depending on how I answer that question, I could be banned from donating blood—indefinitely.

Preview: Fitzy Goes To Iceland

So for our spring break, we decided to go to Iceland. Don't ask. We're going to tell you all about it later, so expect lots of pictures, a few videos, and a lot of awesome. In the meantime, be jealous:

D

BC Zombie Survival: The Guide

Evolution of the Prepster 001863 Heights Virus Spread by Contaminated Chobani:

It began as a CSOM plot to biologically engineer Chobani yogurt to be tailored to the mainstream and ironically counter-cultural tastes of both the preps and hipsters. Devoid of the practical skills to pull off this momentous marketing feat, they networked up to the A&S scientists, and, using promises of post-collegiate job security, persuaded a team of budding chemists to do the leg work. The plan, as we know all too well, had devastating consequences.

"Red Sky At Morn...Sailors Be Warned"

Why you sometimes SHOULD have technology on a camping trip.

Bots of 2011. No, They're just as stupid as you remember them being in the 90's.

Remember the good old days when you would be talking to your 7th grade friends on AIM about homework and who "liked-liked" whom? Ah, those were the good old days, when robots were our friends!

Luckily for you all, I still use AIM, and from time to time, restless bot spirits from the "Other Side" come into contact with me. I typically try to be accommodating, if not just the tiniest bit skeptical. The following are the chat logs between myself and some of these GENIUS lines of code with funny porn names.

THE FOLLOWING POST MAY CONTAIN:

-VIRUS-FILLED LINKS TO SLEAZY AMATEUR PORN SITES

-TRACE ELEMENTS OF NUTS

As such, I urge anyone with nut or porn allergies to forego reading this post. 

(Notice how this font is much smaller.)

Pangea II

I love this music video ("Without You" by David Guetta ft. Usher...for you lazy ones). It's all about the world coming together, and everyone looking really sexy at the beach and dancing while the continents collide over the course of 3 minutes and 30 seconds.

Nevertheless part of me is at odds with the logistics of this video.

Cute War: Valentines Day Edition

So yesterday was that widely-despised day that makes single people feel just how single they are right down through to their bones. Yesterday, for maybe the second time ever, I was wrapped up in the saccharine, frankly disgusting ritual of being ridiculously cute. I was being that person all the single people love to hate on love day. The following is the exchange of materials between Pat and I on Facebook.

I have to say, in this, the War of Cuteness, I do so humbly believe that I am the victor. Despite the fact that Pat made the above picture...whatever...

#BitchAssGenerationProblems

“Kids these days are too fucking soft, specially with all this anti-bullying bullshit...back in the day you just had to man the fuck up and fight ya own battles. Bitch Ass generation.” –A Facebook Status