Pangea II

I love this music video ("Without You" by David Guetta ft. Usher...for you lazy ones). It's all about the world coming together, and everyone looking really sexy at the beach and dancing while the continents collide over the course of 3 minutes and 30 seconds.

Nevertheless part of me is at odds with the logistics of this video.

1. YOU CAN'T BE IN TWO PLACES AT ONCE
David Guetta flaunts his interdimensionality in this music video by throwing it in our faces that he can be in both Brazil and Thailand on the same day--throwing two parties simultaneously. It's sort of like the antithesis of Michele Branch and Vanessa Carlton, who, having never been in the same space, are obviously the same person.

As for Usher, he starts off on a beach in Rio--alone, suggesting that he's either really early to the party or tragically late.

2. THIS MANY ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE ARE NOT HEAVY ENOUGH TO CHANGE THE SPEED AND TRAJECTORY OF PLATE TECTONICS

 I'm totally against modern concepts of idealized beauty, but this video is not. As far as I can see, none of these people have the mass to cause the Earth's crust to fracture and careen across the ocean at several hundred miles per hour.

In this case, I'm pretty sure the camera is not adding several hundred million tons to these individuals. Maybe they're really dense. 

3. PEOPLE WOULD NOT SHRUG OFF THESE IMAGES

This section speaks for itself--I don't care how catchy the song is, you would NOT go about your business if your world was literally breaking apart.

4. THE EFFECTS OF THIS FRACTURING WOULD CAUSE A CATASTROPHIC AMOUNT OF DEATHS AND SURELY SIGNIFY THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.

See those waves? Yea, those are tsunamis. You know they're pretty dangerous when you can see them from outer space. They'd likely wipe out any cities within 3-5 miles of the coast, and certainly any low-lying coastal areas. 

Cities with limited history of earthquakes would contain structures highly susceptible to damage, and collapse quickly under these unstable conditions. Sorry, Boston and all other geologically stable areas of the globe, you're just not ready for this jelly. 

Such volatile circumstances would likely appear biblical in nature, as it is a distinct possibility that skate parks could spout fire and what could easily be mistaken to be brimstone (when in actuality it's probably just a more innocent felsic-based molten composite). Religious conservatives should prepare their "told you so's." Skaters should go home. Like preemptively.

If you thought global climate change was the next big issue, think again, because these colliding plates, while they would initially destroy all previously coastal cities, would also annihilate all traditional livelihood and specialization of any given area.

Changes in weather patterns would render deserts from the once-lush forests of the world. Humanity simply won't be able to adapt fast enough to the immense and instantaneous changes. Oh well. 

5. THE REPUBLICANS WOULD GET WHAT THEY ALWAYS WANTED

6. PEOPLE DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER THAT MUCH

We have different countries for a reason--people don't like each other. There are a lot of reasons why China wouldn't want to be smushed next to California, or why Brazil and Morocco wouldn't get along. If we can barely manage healthy international relations now, how in the newly-unified-world would we deal with EVERYONE being our neighbors?

Regardless, the surviving people had better start liking each other REALLY fast, because it'll be up to them to continue the human race.

Get busy. 

Wink.

D