NEWS FLASH!
BC Students for Dental Health has delivered research that proves that our common ‘ole dental floss can actually keep one from becoming pregnant and/or contracting serious, life-threating diseases.
The research? Apparently substituting condom use for floss use keeps one safe.
"How so?" You may ask.
Why, dental floss saves your soul of course!
You see, by flossing, you are removing plaque, and since plaque is inherently evil, you are thus purging yourself of evil. Therefore, it is not necessary to wear a condom because all evil will be gone once you floss!
Don’t worry about chlamydia, gonorrhea, HPV, syphilis, hepatitis, herpes, MRSA, crabs, scabies, HIV/AIDS, etc, etc, etc! Just remember to floss thoroughly—especially those hard-to-reach back molars that are impossible to get because you don’t want anything lingering!
Now, one may ask, “How does floss actually prevent me from getting the disease if all it does is just remove it?”
Well, you see, the word floss comes from the Old French word “flosche” meaning ‘down, nap of velvet.’ ‘Down’ meaning ‘stop,’ and ‘nap of velvet’ meaning ‘sex.’ Thus, floss means “Stop-sex.”
You see! Flossing is a metaphor for not having sex! Way to go BC Student’s for Dental Health! You just made douches of yourself by poking fun at an issue that kills hundreds of people every day across the world!
-K
-K
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