A Mystery Solved; A Lesson In Stereotypes

I can think of no better reason to write a post here today than the solution to a mystery almost two whole years in the making (when that's like a tenth of your total time alive, it seems like a bigger deal than it actually is). The mystery of our dear name, which had for so long plagued the reaches of our imaginations, has at last found a conclusion. I write this to sound far more intriguing than it actually will be, because it only goes to show that sometimes your stereotypical first impressions are, in fact, spot on. Not usually the lesson I go for, but a lesson well-worth learning nonetheless. If only to un-learn it promptly.

You probably don't recall the original article, since it was the very first one we ever published, but here it is for context.

A few weeks ago over break, I got a Facebook friend request from an intrepid young soul whose last name is--drum roll--Grunbeck. Let it be known that the cognitive cogs slow to a drooling crawl over vacation, and I was hardly at our  And while my default rude-aloofness kicked in as rudely and aloofly as ever, here are the contents of our little discussion.:

• David

  Hey,
  

  Not entirely sure I know who this is 

  David
• 
  

  4:00pm

  Grunbeck

  I'm not positive either, but this may clear things up?

  
• 
  

  5:14pm

  David

  I mean, if you're trying to be vague, it's working. But I do recall laughing hysterically at that hockey game at this billboard. Sorry?
• 
  

  5:16pm

  Grunbeck

  Haha no, my family found your blog titled after my mom, I just thought you'd like to know the origin of 'Fitzy Grunbeck'

  We thought it was funny
• 
  

  5:18pm

  David

  This makes me so happy, because we literally searched google for like a week before making the blog to see whose name it could possibly have been. Suffice it to say, you're not a middle-aged Irish alumni, like we originally thought xD
  

  Thanks for solving the mystery!
• 
  

  5:20pm

  Grunbeck

  Well you were right about the middle aged Irish alumni part, glad we could help!

  
  

  As if it weren't already apparent by the posts of yore, I'm immensely clever, insofar as that was a terrible joke. Maybe my definition of clever is just way off base. I'm not sure what you expected to learn from the less-than-bombastic end to this surely harrowing mystery, but suffice it to say our intuition was seriously spot on, however quasi-racist our intuition was in the first place. 
  
  A hearty thank you to the Grunbeck family and affiliates for furnishing our bereft little blog with some much-needed pageviews. I hope that Mama Grunbeck's untarnishable honor was not...well, tarnished, by our juvenile chronicling of off-beat BC humor!
  
  D

I swear, I haven't been THAT lazy.

School was tough. I did a play (god, no. I wasn't an actor). I did clubs. I had classes. Blah, blah, blah.

There's never really a decent excuse for failing on a blog, and picking it back up tends to feel awful because, well, you've exhausted your credibility with your audience--if we ever really had that consistent/involved of an audience in the first place!

Suffice it to say, I'd love to start something new in the future. Probably not with as many funny pictures because that stuff would cut into my leftover use-for-sleeping time, but with lots of interesting, maybe even hilarious words. We'll see how it pans out.

In any event, I'll indulge myself and offer anyone reading this something of a shameless plug. I got a writing gig with a website, and so that's what I've been doing for a little while now. Here's the link to my utterly modest opus.

http://daily-download.com/author/david-riemer/

News news news news news. I'm waiting for a job that won't cut out the phrase "community gardens are certainly worth their weight in hipster."

D

Will My Blood Ever Be Worthy?

            When I go to donate blood this Monday, I’m going to be asked a question. Depending on how I answer that question, I could be banned from donating blood—indefinitely.

Preview: Fitzy Goes To Iceland

So for our spring break, we decided to go to Iceland. Don't ask. We're going to tell you all about it later, so expect lots of pictures, a few videos, and a lot of awesome. In the meantime, be jealous:

D

BC Zombie Survival: The Guide

Evolution of the Prepster 001863 Heights Virus Spread by Contaminated Chobani:

It began as a CSOM plot to biologically engineer Chobani yogurt to be tailored to the mainstream and ironically counter-cultural tastes of both the preps and hipsters. Devoid of the practical skills to pull off this momentous marketing feat, they networked up to the A&S scientists, and, using promises of post-collegiate job security, persuaded a team of budding chemists to do the leg work. The plan, as we know all too well, had devastating consequences.

"Red Sky At Morn...Sailors Be Warned"

Why you sometimes SHOULD have technology on a camping trip.

Bots of 2011. No, They're just as stupid as you remember them being in the 90's.

Remember the good old days when you would be talking to your 7th grade friends on AIM about homework and who "liked-liked" whom? Ah, those were the good old days, when robots were our friends!

Luckily for you all, I still use AIM, and from time to time, restless bot spirits from the "Other Side" come into contact with me. I typically try to be accommodating, if not just the tiniest bit skeptical. The following are the chat logs between myself and some of these GENIUS lines of code with funny porn names.

THE FOLLOWING POST MAY CONTAIN:

-VIRUS-FILLED LINKS TO SLEAZY AMATEUR PORN SITES

-TRACE ELEMENTS OF NUTS

As such, I urge anyone with nut or porn allergies to forego reading this post. 

(Notice how this font is much smaller.)

Pangea II

I love this music video ("Without You" by David Guetta ft. Usher...for you lazy ones). It's all about the world coming together, and everyone looking really sexy at the beach and dancing while the continents collide over the course of 3 minutes and 30 seconds.

Nevertheless part of me is at odds with the logistics of this video.

Cute War: Valentines Day Edition

So yesterday was that widely-despised day that makes single people feel just how single they are right down through to their bones. Yesterday, for maybe the second time ever, I was wrapped up in the saccharine, frankly disgusting ritual of being ridiculously cute. I was being that person all the single people love to hate on love day. The following is the exchange of materials between Pat and I on Facebook.

I have to say, in this, the War of Cuteness, I do so humbly believe that I am the victor. Despite the fact that Pat made the above picture...whatever...

#BitchAssGenerationProblems

“Kids these days are too fucking soft, specially with all this anti-bullying bullshit...back in the day you just had to man the fuck up and fight ya own battles. Bitch Ass generation.” –A Facebook Status

"Have My Years of Wild Hedonism Finally Caught Up With Me?"

You know how sometimes you read an article or see a YouTube video or receive a pamphlet on the streets of New York City that tells you the Rapture is coming, and you just can't believe that someone, somewhere actually believes it?

Reading this a few minutes ago just gave me that feeling. It also made me feel like the stampede that killed Mufasa (R.I.P.) also stomped all over my stomach and already fragile positive worldview.

Blame It On The Skyrim

Yes, this hideous yet beautiful little box is the primary reason for Fitzy's recent dip. It's been tough to keep up this year with all the box-clad distractions!

Having found some spare time and some spare energy before the hurried and vaguely-suicidal ritual known as "studying for finals" we've decided to take the time to do some commentary on some things that have been topics of heated debate on campus as of late.

For some reason, this past week has been a total shitstorm of people doing stupid things, writing stupid things, and saying stupid things, and as a trio that frequently does all of that, we feel it appropriate to show that we're not just silly people, but silly people with silly thoughts that can sometimes be more serious than silly, but still kind of silly anyways.

The following three posts are our kind of funny, kind of bitchy opinions on these issues. Don't hate. Appreciate. Also, read:

Floss

Shitty Newspaper

Rick Perry Being A Jackass

Tirade: Floss Is Salvation

NEWS FLASH!

Dental floss can now prevent pregnancy and STDs.  That’s right. 

Tirade: The Observer

The Observer, Boston College's notoriously conservative Catholic newspaper, is at it again.

It's not that they don't kind of speak the truth, or that they don't convey the opinions of a (hopefully tiny-as-fuck) group of people on campus, it's really just the tactlessness with which they spew what I personally consider to be narrow-minded ignorance.

In fact, it's hardly even this editorial which has me heated, because I would expect nothing more from the opinion section of high-horse-straddling, dogma-slinging, soul-savers. Like many a mature individual, I'm at once able to hold an opinion and respect that other people have opinions that might not be the same.

AND, the real shocker, that I don't need to be a dick about it just because they're different. (Except those last few lines)

I'm not even going to touch the editorial in a gesture of tolerance The Observer might learn something from.

Tirade: Rick Perry

Oh Rick Perry.

Just when I was worried you might have a legitimate campaign.

In case any of you are not aware, Rick Perry recently made a public statement, which....Well, for those of you who haven't seen his latest, greatest promotional video, I'll let him do the talking.

Wipe Those Tears Off Your Guitar, Taylor. He Doesn't Like You.

It's recently come to my attention that there are some libelous rumors being spread around the United States and it's going to take some serious cynicism to set things straight.


So grab your cheap acoustic guitar, a box of tissues, and all the wailing teen-girl angst and melodrama you can carry, because we're headed deep into the bowels of a Taylor Swift song!

Jamie's At It Again--Dog Days Are Over

Who better to spread awesomeness around BC than our very own heroine Jamie? Thanks to everyone for their help with the project!

A Brief, Preliminary Word On "Once Upon A Time"

More to come, but I thought this improvised graphic would suffice as explanation for now:

-D

When Boxes Attack!

When Boxes Attack...They'll return YOU to sender!

 

Out of the Dark Souls, into the Light

When I first experienced the comical value of Dark Soul's difficulty, I was very intent on chronicling it for the world to see. Merely writing down a couple things after dying violently was sufficient. I hardly needed to put any creativity into it.