Only by taking a trip to Ireland and bungee-jump-kissing the Blarney stone can you undo the unfortunate twist of fate which occurred when your pair of non-Irish parents conceived you.
...Under a full moon...
...Listening to Celtic music...
...Enthusiastically accompanying the melody on a fiddle...
...made of potatoes.
Suffice it to say, if you're not already Irish, good luck trying.
For those of us lucky enough to have exited the womb with the genetic propensity for pale skin, freckles, red hair, astronomical alcohol tolerance, and a reverence for potatoes, well congratulations--You're Irish!
And I'm here today to enlighten you with regard to a long-forgotten Irish birthright.
Not many people know this, but the Irish become imbued with superpowers on St. Patrick's Day.
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| Flaming-Potato-Shooting Bionic Arm! |
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| Four-Leaf Clover Vision! |
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| Morph into... |
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| ...this? Never mind. |
The problem is...almost everyone is too drunk to know that they've gotten them, let alone figure out how to use them.
Sadly the only "super" things we see exhibited are "super fatigue"
..."super nausea"...
...and "super belligerence."
Oh well.
*sigh*
D
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