Starbuck(s)

Being a native Oregonian living in Boston, I am in the thick of enemy territory.  I am surrounded by Dunkin Donuts. 

Now, the last Dunkin Donuts we had closed about three years ago and was replaced by some other doughnut shop that I can’t remember the name of.  That’s fine, at least I have Starbucks to satisfy my daily coffee cravings.  Northwesterners don’t generally go to doughnut shops for the morning cup o’joe, but would rather spend their extra $3.50 on a nice grande latte, skim, with a pump of flavoring or something you don’t actually understand.

In my hometown of roughly 40,000 people there are four Starbucks alone and about 13 coffee houses all together.  That’s a lot of coffee.  That’s about a shop on every corner.  This is the culture, and upon arriving in Boston I thought that it would be fairly similar.  Being a major metropolitan area on the eastern seaboard, it was obvious there would be Starbucks everywhere.  I was wrong.  I go to BC, and why wouldn’t there be a coffee shop right off campus?

There isn’t!  It’s painful.

I like proper attribution, don't you? source.

Upon entering a Dunkin Donuts I feel the sugar of the treats and coffee concoctions seeping into my pores, making me bloated and greasy.  Yes, that is a graphic description.  Deal with it. 

And the coffee?  “Give me a regular.”  Yeah sure, regular means "give me a coffee that I can put my own shit in," not "put cream and sugar in."  Sorry guys, I’ve grown up and sugar in coffee makes me feel like barfing.  *shivers* 

Now all you Dunks lovers don’t get upset with me.  It isn’t natural to eat doughnuts regularly where I’m from.  Doughnuts are saved for high school fiestas and when your parents don’t want to buy something really expensive for your Girl Scouts meeting.  The most popular doughnut shop in Oregon is Voodoo, and well they put bacon on and make Voodoo dolls out of their doughnuts.  How could I understand the popularity?

I shank you with thy pretzel!

Starbucks is naturally (for me) so much better than Dunks, but if I go to one more in-town Boston, at times I feel like a tourist.  Tourists or big-business workers seem to be the only ones going to the coffee shop.  Maybe I’m exaggerating, but several people have commented on their hate for Starbucks.  It’s expensive because it’s good.  ‘nough said.

Oh well, maybe in a few years I will be converted to a Dunkin-lover, but for now about the only thing I can stand are the chocolate glazed ones.  Those are acceptable.  Oh, and Dunkin, you need to learn how to spell.  You’re confusing small school children.

Another point:

Because I am a dork, I like sci-fi.  Well, maybe that makes me a nerd, or a geek, or a ???  Whatever.  I asked David and he said dork, so there you go.  Anyways, because I am one, I like Battlestar Galactica.  And you know why?  Because there is the badass character known as Starbuck.  I never saw the original BSG and really have no desire to, but in that one Starbuck was a man, and in the rebooted one that character was turned into a woman.  Go figure.

Well Starbuck was a cigar-smoking, ass-kicking fighter pilot who got drunk and generally was hallucinating for the majority of the show’s run.

This all leads me to Moby Dick where there was the first mate of that crazy Captain Ahab whose name was Starbuck.  They were all pretty cool, but I just watched the movie and never read the book.  Probably if I was ever supposed to read the book I was watching BSG while drinking a Starbucks.  Also, Moby Dick promotes animal cruelty like Michael Vick.  Hey that rhymes!  Sort of.

The point is: starbucks made its way into science fiction and a freakin' book about a whale, and it’s still not readily available in Boston.  


Lame.

-K