So Hip That It's Square. So Square That It's Cubic.

K did a good job explaining her own steamy relationship with Minecraft, but my story? Prepare for flashback in 5...4...3...2...1...pagebreak!

It was a dark and stormy night of no particular importance other than the fact that it was the dark and stormy night before my first final of my first semester of my first year in college. It would be the same dark and stormy night as another first...

"Studying" in the O'Connell house, the air was full of frustration--frustration enough to cause you to punch a tree until you either received a block of wood, or irreversibly mangled your hand. Punching a (virtual) tree with pent up fury, my friend told me about Minecraft.

I wasn't enamored by its beauty, no, but by its concept. I'm usually pretty shallow, so that's a big deal for me.

Soon, the fever took hold, and I was ravished by a dire need to dig around relentlessly (and monotonously), searching for diamonds and other precious riches in the depths of the earth. When I couldn't find diamonds (which was barely less than 100% of the time), I scoured the mountains and caves for coal to make torches to ward off the nocturnal demons hell-bent on killing my white ass. 

On the rare occasions that I mustered the testicular fortitude to combat these creatures, I built myself a sword and cut through the ranks of hellions. 

Thanks for letting me viciously Photoshop your body, Russel Crowe. I owe you one. 

Usually this didn't work so well. 

<Explosion> <Arrow Barrage> <Spider Bites> <Zombie...Bitchslaps?>

I'm kind of a chicken shit with 0 fighting capabilities in both Minecraft and real life. So I ditched the vindictive Achilles act and moved on to more important things, like building awesome shit like this:  

This floor's made of diamond, bitches.

Because 1 portal to hell wasn't enough.

Now, I bet you're thinking, "This guy's got way too much time on his hands." I can't rightfully say I don't...I am writing this, after all. But just look how awesome those buildings are!

Unfortunately, it's an awesomeness that doesn't quite translate into real life, since I probably looked like this the whole time I was making it:

Shit.

D