"Have My Years of Wild Hedonism Finally Caught Up With Me?"

You know how sometimes you read an article or see a YouTube video or receive a pamphlet on the streets of New York City that tells you the Rapture is coming, and you just can't believe that someone, somewhere actually believes it?

Reading this a few minutes ago just gave me that feeling. It also made me feel like the stampede that killed Mufasa (R.I.P.) also stomped all over my stomach and already fragile positive worldview.

Blame It On The Skyrim

Yes, this hideous yet beautiful little box is the primary reason for Fitzy's recent dip. It's been tough to keep up this year with all the box-clad distractions!

Having found some spare time and some spare energy before the hurried and vaguely-suicidal ritual known as "studying for finals" we've decided to take the time to do some commentary on some things that have been topics of heated debate on campus as of late.

For some reason, this past week has been a total shitstorm of people doing stupid things, writing stupid things, and saying stupid things, and as a trio that frequently does all of that, we feel it appropriate to show that we're not just silly people, but silly people with silly thoughts that can sometimes be more serious than silly, but still kind of silly anyways.

The following three posts are our kind of funny, kind of bitchy opinions on these issues. Don't hate. Appreciate. Also, read:

Floss

Shitty Newspaper

Rick Perry Being A Jackass

Tirade: Floss Is Salvation

NEWS FLASH!

Dental floss can now prevent pregnancy and STDs.  That’s right. 

Tirade: The Observer

The Observer, Boston College's notoriously conservative Catholic newspaper, is at it again.

It's not that they don't kind of speak the truth, or that they don't convey the opinions of a (hopefully tiny-as-fuck) group of people on campus, it's really just the tactlessness with which they spew what I personally consider to be narrow-minded ignorance.

In fact, it's hardly even this editorial which has me heated, because I would expect nothing more from the opinion section of high-horse-straddling, dogma-slinging, soul-savers. Like many a mature individual, I'm at once able to hold an opinion and respect that other people have opinions that might not be the same.

AND, the real shocker, that I don't need to be a dick about it just because they're different. (Except those last few lines)

I'm not even going to touch the editorial in a gesture of tolerance The Observer might learn something from.

Tirade: Rick Perry

Oh Rick Perry.

Just when I was worried you might have a legitimate campaign.

In case any of you are not aware, Rick Perry recently made a public statement, which....Well, for those of you who haven't seen his latest, greatest promotional video, I'll let him do the talking.

Wipe Those Tears Off Your Guitar, Taylor. He Doesn't Like You.

It's recently come to my attention that there are some libelous rumors being spread around the United States and it's going to take some serious cynicism to set things straight.


So grab your cheap acoustic guitar, a box of tissues, and all the wailing teen-girl angst and melodrama you can carry, because we're headed deep into the bowels of a Taylor Swift song!

Jamie's At It Again--Dog Days Are Over

Who better to spread awesomeness around BC than our very own heroine Jamie? Thanks to everyone for their help with the project!

A Brief, Preliminary Word On "Once Upon A Time"

More to come, but I thought this improvised graphic would suffice as explanation for now:

-D

When Boxes Attack!

When Boxes Attack...They'll return YOU to sender!

 

Out of the Dark Souls, into the Light

When I first experienced the comical value of Dark Soul's difficulty, I was very intent on chronicling it for the world to see. Merely writing down a couple things after dying violently was sufficient. I hardly needed to put any creativity into it.

REVAMP: Geology, Calc, and Chem, Oh My!

I've got a lot of friends who do chemistry and all those other crazy scientific thingamajiggies. I can respect that, I mean, I'm using some of them right now typing this.

So I hear them talking about moles of Ridicularium being lit on fire or dissolved in hydro-bore-ic acid and becoming some new white powder with an incredibly difficult-to-pronounce acronym with numbers sandwiched in there, sometimes and I can't help but hear a faint rushing sound overhead.

Masochism is Contagious: D Buys Dark Souls

Have you ever just been thirsty...for souls? I am, almost every waking moment now, thanks to Pat.

The Dark Souls Chronicles

FREEDOM

College is about discovering one's self--experimenting, adventuring, theorizing, etc.  So, it is entirely acceptable to change your mind and ultimately realize your passions.  This very thing happened to me, roughly yesterday morning.

You see, as it has been stated a few times on Fitzy, I was a CS minor.  This fact has now changed.  What happened?  Well, I'll show you.

Google: The 13 Year Journey From Dream Search Engine to Destroyer of Hope

I'm pretty sure I heard somewhere that yesterday was Google's 13th birthday. Congratulations, Google! You've not only made yourself indispensable in the everyday life of millions of people, infiltrated your way into an unnervingly diverse array of markets (Google Supermarkets are coming, people), but you've also managed to solve the age-old question of: Is s/he gay?

That's right.

God's Gift To Man IV

My Professor is a Viking

The other day in class was a curious one. I had a sudden realization that I have not been able to un-realize, and rightfully so.

It seems that my philosophy professor is a viking.

God's Gift To Man III

REVAMP: I'm Not On A Boat

You know how people cry when they watch Titanic? I do too.

Not necessarily because of the truncated romance (though I'm sure that's part of it), but because they're on a goddamn sinking ship. One of them dies and the other one almost dies. And I can sympathize.

Yes, that's right, sympathize, not just empathize. I don't have the best luck with boats.

Shameless Plug

You guys know we love you, right?? Like, you have no idea.


And by continuing to visit our various pages of humorous things, we have felt a sort of love in return. A sort of.... internet love. And we all know that's one of the most powerful forms of love out there.

6 Reasons I Feel Like I Might Be The Anti-Christ

A Camping Trip In Action Shots

K got the Bamboo pen thing too!

Here is my first drawing with the nifty pen that now all of Fitzy has!

It is a bit reminiscent of old-school children's book cartoons, but hey, it works I suppose.

So yeah!  Guess what?  My drawings are now not going to be complete shit!

Woot!

-K

We're Back

Welcome back everyone!

Almost Time, Almost.

I got a Bamboo multi-touch pen input thing for my birthday. Now it's time to actually use it. Here's what I came up with on my first try:

I know, it's bad. It even says it. 

The good news is, it's going to hopefully make my blog posting easier in the future, and since our reunion back at school is only a week away, you can expect some epic material "wicked fast," as we say here in Boston. Pat needs to give me a crash course in how this works.

Badly.

Happy to almost be back in action with the crew!

D

Lady Parts, and What Comes Out of Them

Hey! Remember me? It's P. That guy that did that one thing? And then another thing?

Anyway, it has come to my attention that today is a certain letter's birthday. A letter nestled snuggly between "C" and "E."

Glitch? Resurgent Popularity?

I'm at a bit of a loss.

No, We're Not Dead

We're biding our time till we all get back to school where we can hit the books and the blog! Don't worry too much!

K's Video Update

This little video update was brought to you because, well, as I explained, doing posts is difficult when not in the right atmosphere.  So I did a video.  Deal with it.  

-K

Not Cool, Chase Bank.

In one month, soldier Aaron Collette will return from Iraq for two weeks’ leave. By the time he does, he won't have a home -- and neither will his family.

Nothing Says Triumph Like An Arrogant Text Message

"Call me The Mechanic from now on, cuz I fix shit dat's broke...for a generally exorbitant fee. Pay up, bitch. I accept accolades and MasterCard."
 -D --> P @ 11:35 am

Timeliness.

Look! It's me again.

Now don't patronize me- I know I was late. My first post was supposed to come out Friday night as opposed to Saturday morning. Not only that, but it didn't have near as many hilarious drawings as it should've.

My bad, people, my bad.

So as a sort of reconciliation slash "THANKS, GUYS," I present thee with this:

Enjoy.

P

[AND WE THINK IT'S PRETTY DAMN AWESOME -K & D]

Senate To Summon YouTube-Strangling Copyright Beast

Right in the Facebook.

So you find a blog you like. It’s witty, full of social commentary, and crude drawings that make you feel better about yourself. Then, there’s a little bit of a slowdown. Understandable really, I mean the people doing all the work have lives, right? But then it get’s worse as their will and time begin to wane. Eventually, all their posts basically amount to “updates” where they tell you “omg we’re trying but we’re so busy I'M SORRY please still love ussssss.” They need more content, and fast. So what do they do? They hire a new writer. Someone they hand pick. Someone with talent, social standing, and someone who won’t completely dismantle all their hard work. That was almost the case here.

P Is For Posting, It's Good Enough For Me

Introductions and some more news!

More Steering Mumbo-Jumbo

I hate being so diplomatic. I'm way too subjective for this.

What's in the Works

We've done it. At last!

Fitzy Strategizing

My life's a bevy of ideas...oh, and things to do.

Miniature Non-consequential Update

So I bet you're wondering where posts are at, and frankly, I'll tell you--in my brain. The only thing keeping them there right now, in all honesty, is our insatiable drive to create awesome looking cities in Minecraft.

K Update

Hello everyone!  So, things have been busy.  I'm not at home, but am rather spending a couple months in my boss's basement while I intern for a broadcasting company in DC (more on that eventually).

It's a pretty chill arrangement.  9-5, getting up around 6:30, sleeping, well, when I'm tired, and that, my friends, can be early.

There were a lot of commas in that last sentence.

Anywho, stuff is cool except for the fact that I am tired at times and my picture-making creativeness is lacking for the time being.  This is especially true when I've been staring at a computer screen all day and then come home to more computer screen and needing to write a post, so inevitably the post is scrapped especially because I can't focus after focusing for such a long time during the day.

That was a really long explanation.

But don't fret!  Posts will come, and hopefully D will contribute to my pics, for he has better photo/paint stuffs on his computer.

And by the way...  I'm going to Georgetown Cupcakes tomorrow... maybe you'll see me on tv!

-K

Tents, Lakes, and Hiking...Oh My!

Quit Trying To Press My Buttons...LOL, jk Keep It Coming!

So, hey there, if you like us as much as (or, heaven forbid, more) than all those other silly, pointless, non-updating, non-hysterical facebook pages & rando Twitter ghettoblasters, try clicking these pushalicious buttons on our page!

The worst thing that could happen is you get...updated whenever there's a new post!

Diagram:

The yellow circle is something I REALLY love ;-)

5,000 And Risin' Like A Phoenix

Tornadoes. Seriously?

Certain places just know how to deal with certain forms of catastrophe.

Activism FTW: Red Sox Stuff

Normally, I wouldn't ask for anyone to do anything but read...BUT this is a fantastic cause!
[UPDATE] And because you did do it, THEY'RE DOING IT!

Dress To...Meh, Screw This.

Yeah.  I got swagger.

A moment occurs in life when you just sort of "wake up," and feel like the world is suddenly watching you.  This can be earlier for select individuals, and sometimes much later for those who just don't get it--blissfully ignorant.

Fish Sympathy Pt. I

A few weeks ago, K and I were walking to the train station to go visit a friend before Easter break, and somehow the conversation turned to fish. Unlike most people, who barbarously enjoy the slaughter of innocent fish on a regular basis, I am of a very different, very strong opinion.

Guns Don't Kill Ghosts...

Where We've Been

We haven't forgotten about you all, don't worry. How could we do that? You're all far too cool. We do, however apologize for a lack of content in recent weeks. We're sure you understand...sometimes you just have those weeks where life comes at you hard--like, bloodthirsty professional linebacker hard. The last several weeks have been like that.

Shh...

Tour de You're Forcin' It.

For my sister, Jaimee.

The road of applying to college is one fraught with something I like to call: insanity. 

PSA: Shipping [Out Of] Boston

Spring time is in our midst.  The cleaning crews are out and the grass is being replanted.  Birds are singing, the flowers are blooming and finally the sky is still light at 6 pm.  However, now is coming the time of panic and disconcertment among the lovely, soon-to-be-short-wearing students.  That issue?  Where the hell are you going to store all of your shit after it's time to go home?

$#!% I Don’t Understand Vol. 2

Who doesn't like summer? It's nice and warm, you can go to the beach, there's no school--it's just a good time. Or at least it would be, if there weren't fat touristy people wandering around in Crocs all over the place with their sun hats and maps. They make no sense whatsoever (both the tourists and their Crocs).

I hate them.

In Memoriam: Roger

Roger was a good, loyal friend to me. Although our time together was brief, it never showed any signs that it was to end so prematurely, if ever.

April Fools?

Yeah, that's right.

We're Being Shut Down

Hello All,

Unfortunately, after an amazing day yesterday, today we received notice from BC that our content has to change.  Because of all of our BC-related posts, the administration got word of it and sent us this email:

3,000...You Sneaky Bitch

I wuv you all.

So, we've actually got TWO pieces of exciting news happening right now for the FGC:

1. We hit 3,000 views today!
2. We got our first LOVE MAIL!

The face to the right is, without exaggeration, extremely creepy.

In my burst of happiness, I could hardly control my artless hands, and flew straight to Paint to make the most elated face I knew how--demonstrating beyond any reasonable doubt that I actually do not know how. I'm also sleep deprived, as follows.

Guns Don't Kill People...

How My Parents Lied to Me About Pocahontas

Most people learn their history and fairytales from Disney.  I know I did, but unfortunately Disney doesn't always add the details in that makes the stories actually factual.  That is why my parents were able to get away with a devastating lie--the lie about Pocahontas.

I. Am. Gold.

Who would have thought that after the whole housing fiasco that I would wind up celebrating my newly-found College-Road-hood? Well, I did. These are some screenshots from my Facebook status that night. People's names and pictures have been changed to protect their identities.

Seriously, we wouldn't want their alter-egos being exposed, then they wouldn't be able to keep up their part-time super hero activities!

God's Gift To Man II

Our First Hate Mail

Ironically, on the day we got record-breaking views, we received our first hate mail!

Anthony Hopkins is totally badass--
which makes it that much better

Like the upcoming actor who is yet to be a star until he's been suspected of being gay, you are not a real blog until you receive your first hate mail.  It's a rite of passage.

Well, yesterday, that happened.

D is a proud papa.

K is a riled mama.




-K & D

Update

Hello everyone!  Currently we, at Fitzy Grunbeck, are suffering some housing and midterm exhaustion.  D has a crazy midterm and I have intense work to do for the next week or so.  Thus, we will get a new post out as soon as time clears up--expect a day or two.

In the meantime for some of those newer followers, check out our older work.

Here's a few+:

PSA:  Stairs

I'm Not on a Boat

I'd Be Pissed

PSA:  Nutella

Have a great weekend!

-K

And the verdict...

Worst pick time ever.  For everyone.  Like everyone.  9:45?  Worst pick time ever.

:(

I cry tears of utter sadness for J, J, J, D, & B.

Sad face.

-K

P.S.-- D bursted out laughing when he got the news.  Yeah, it's that bad.

P.S.x2-- Then he broke J's heart.  J wants him to glue it back together.

BC Housing: Cry, Laugh--BELIEVE

Spring is often a time of rebirth and new beginnings.  Squirrels frolicking, snow melting, dandelions blooming, birds chirping--even your shit is gorgeous in the spring.  Unless, you are a student at Boston College.  Because then, you are in the midst of the housing process:  the midst of Hell.  

In the Interim...

We at the Fitzy Grunbeck Chronicles apologize for a delay in posting. As BC is currently undergoing a housing rush, we're on an obnoxious roller coaster of emotions. And by we, I mean me, because K is all set in her cozy 8-man suite, while my friends and I are still doing the awkward housing limbo in actual Limbo, the place where the spirits of deceased babies and unfortunate Boston College students just sort of float around pointlessly.

Prepare yourselves for an awesome post about college housing. It's sort of inundated with tears and quasi-suicidal thoughts at the moment, but it's underway and should be out very soon.

D

The Mods: Land of Myth and Legend

His Mona Lisa

David drew this picture today.

It's pretty genius.

God's Gift To Man

The Collegiate Cycle

When you are first introduced to college, there is a warm and fuzzy feeling.  It's cute and new and just so sweet.  Your life is amazing.

I'm new! ...And kind of like a dinosaur!

Friday

It all started last Friday.

A Post For St. Patrick's Day

Contrary to popular belief, imbibing tremendous quantities of beer on St. Patrick's Day does not in fact make one Irish. Sorry.

JonBo

The force of the shrug was unbearable.

Back in the day of elementaryhood, there was a kid, JonBo, who was a bit odd.  I tried to be nice to him, being the new kid and all, but he shrugged me off.

So, that ended our potential new best- friendship.  He went on to do his own thing for a while.  He wasn't liked too much, but he had a couple good friends.  But one day he kind of ruined it for himself.

Kites: Lies in the Skies

I've always had a problem with people who enjoyed flying kites. Sure, they look all happy and picturesque. Good for them.

$#!% I Don’t Understand Vol. 1

BC is notorious for many things.  The Hail Mary pass, stairs, preppies, etc., but there is also something that is becoming a new trend, a new inexplicable trend:  Half-built-pointless walls in the middle of our former Dustbowl.

M (That's A Roman Numeral, Bitches)

views.
This is seriously cray-cray.
But in the best way-way (?)
You all really made my day-day.


I'll quit while I'm ahead with the rhyming.
<3


-K & D

Bapst: Scion of Silence

I've got nothing against studying. It's different for everyone. Sometimes it even makes you do better on tests or whatever. A lot of my friends from BC, however, all say that studying at Bapst's Library is "magical." Just because it looks like Hogwarts doesn't mean it's magical. Actually, Bapst is one hell of a scary place.

PSA: Stairs

I wouldn't do that for a million dollars.  Maybe.

In unrelated news, the Boston College campus is currently experiencing a pandemic--of stairs.  Unsuitable for anyone not in prime physical condition, these stairs mark a history of firm and toned calf muscles unseen in any other part of Boston.

Living in Exile...I mean Newton.

My room is way more stylishly decorated than this, if you were wondering.
And my bed is more than a platform.

Wake up in the mornin' feelin' like P-Diddy...who woke up late and is scrambling to get to his 9:00 AM class. Yeah, you might think this happens to every college kid, and it does, but in order for me to scramble to class, I have to scramble to the bus before I have any hopes of effectively scrambling anywhere.

Your Local Buckknife Dealer

Ever need a custom 7 inch stainless steal blade complete with handcrafted wood and leather case?

Well you've come to the right place in middle of nowhere coastal Oregon where we can outfit all of your big-ass knife needs!

We're Googleable!

I used to think everything but that question-you-have-but-don't-know-how-to-phrase was on Google. I was wrong.

The Fitzy Grunbeck Chronicles is proud to announce that we are now SEARCHABLE ON GOOGLE! Clearly this is a step in the right direction, and we couldn't have done it without you all.

UPDATE: We're actually becoming progressively more Googleable! Because of all you awesome people, there are 4 results now instead of just 2. Go you guys!

You too, refresh button, you too.

-K & D

The Unconventional Workout: Airport

It’s been quite a day of traveling, but you’re not at your destination yet.  You still have one connecting flight left and you haven’t been able to get in your daily dose of Pilates.  So, why not utilize the massive and elaborate building you are currently in?  Here are the steps to your success!

So. Much. M.I.A.

I've been a bit indisposed lately, and haven't gotten a post done in what seems like forever. As you've probably noticed, K so kindly made a post inquiring as to my whereabouts. All I can tell you is that I pulled through like a champ.

Where's David?

"Honey, that's the 6th one we've passed today!"

So... David is missing.  He's probably lying in the middle of the road somewhere in Malden next to one of the seven Bank of Americas.  Yes, seven.  Why are there seven?  Don't ask me.  The only time I've been there was to walk to David's house, and we saw Bank of America everywhere.  They own the town.  Oh, and the coffee place that makes it smell funny.